Guest House Paradiso

“Have fun, don’t go in the water if you know what’s good for you and try not to get shit on the sheets”

Review by Lewis Goodall

If you grew up in the UK then you grew up with UK comedy, lucky you. If you grew up with 90’s comedy then you’re even luckier. If you grew up with watching Bottom then you’re the luckiest of them all. If you haven’t seen Bottom then I pity you because you haven’t truly experienced comedy in its purest, dumbest form. If you have and you haven’t seen Guest House Paradiso, then you’re in luck my friend because you have an new hour and a half episode waiting for you.

Guest House Paradiso, Directed by Adrian Edmondson, teleports you to the cheapest hotel in Britain, run by Eddie Ndingombaba (Adrian Edmondson) and Richard Twat (Rik Mayall). If you’re not sold on this movie so far then you’re lost to me. The two attempt to run the hotel but it are obstructed when guests turn up.

If you haven’t dabbled in Bottom then I seriously suggest it (the show, not pegging). The 90’s sitcom has roughly the same premise of two delinquents living on the breadline and finding the most ridiculous scenarios to get them through the day. Its honestly my favourite comedy show ever written and having a new, hour and a half episode with Guest House Paradiso, you bet your arse I went balls deep (again, not pegging).

What makes the duo great of Eddie and Richard is mainly the slapstick comedy dynamic they have. Its always over the top, cartoon violence and these two have it down, they’re the masters of it. Throwing each other through windows, slamming each others heads into fridges, you name it. Its never not funny when it comes to physical humour and these two are the pioneers, they’re the Lewis and Clark of discovering new ways to cripple eachother in the most hilarious way. They’re real life looney tunes which is probably why I love it so much.

If you know the dynamic of Rik Mayall and Adrian Edmondson, you know that they focus more on the comedy rather than the story. The story itself is just so bizarre and won’t change your perception on reality but that’s not what its about, its just all about the constant flurry of jokes being shot right at you, and that’s perfectly fine by me.

Overall this is not a perfect film, but it is a perfect Bottom film. It has everything you could want from these two and a bit more. You haven’t really lived until you’ve seen Rik Mayall in red, spiky latex lingerie.

7.5 Big Chef Hats out of 10

No Country For Old Men

“What’s the most you ever lost on a coin toss?”

Review by Lewis Goodall

You ever been scared of a bowl cut? Of course you have, it’s a fashion faux pas. Normally worn by creeps which is scary enough, but put that bowl cut on a psychopathic serial killer, and you’ve got yourself a Coen Brothers movie.

No Country For Old Men, written and directed by the incredible Coen Brothers, is the story of one man who stumbles across and drug deal that went reeeeeal bad. Llewellyn (Josh Brolin), is a hunter, tracking down some deer when he looks over the brow of a hill and sees some parked trucks. He goes to investigate when he sees that the trucks are surround by corpses, with one of the trucks filled with mountains of nose snow. Within the carnage, llewellyn finds a case filled with 2 million dollars but what he doesn’t know Is there is someone after that case, starting off a cat and mouse of violence.

This is one of the greatest, and in my opinion, my favourite Coen brothers film (Sorry Big Lewbowski). Normally they go for a silly approach to their films but this and Fargo prove that they are far more than goof balls. No Country For Old Men is the best cat and mouse film out there. The tension is so thick like chewing a piece of beef jerky, its downright gorgeous.

Javier Bardem plays Anton Chigurh, the maniac who is in pursuit of Llewellyn throughout the film. He is an A Class psycho, so heartless that he will kill to achieve his objective, much like a human terminator without the accent. The tension he creates whenever he is in a scene is truly phenomenal, including one scene including a coin toss which I consider to be one of the greatest scenes in cinema history. Every where he goes he creates chaos which makes the film so unpredictable that you’re always on the edge of your seat.

How the Coen Brothers expertly construct a scene is similar to the first meeting of Hannibal Lector and Clarice in Silence of the Lambs where there’s no music, just talking, and that’s enough to not make you blink. It’s the whole scale of the film too, the constant, relentless chase throughout is always there, not knowing when Anton and his silenced shotgun are gonna turn the corner.

Tommy Lee Jones also features in this film as an old sheriff who is investigating the gruesome deal that went down. He too is in pursuit of Llewellyn in order to find out the truth of what happened that day. The three stories, one always just behind the other, creates such a great experience.

Overall this is one of my favourites and it’ll become one of yours when you watch it because you were so moved by this review and that you’ve gone straight onto amazon and purchased it so you can watch it straight away. In fact actually I’ll save you some time. Here you go https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B001B6CCCQ/ref=atv_dp_oth_format_bluray_1 you’re welcome.

9 Air Heads out of 10

Point Break

“That’s ahh… that’s a surfboard alright! Looks like a ’57 Chevy I used to have”

Review by Lily Taylor

I’m a little bit biased when it comes to this movie, it has a special place in my heart. I first saw it with my Dad when I was about 14 and from that point on I dreamt of being a surfing, bank robber with an unruly mullet, like most teenage girls do. Although released in 1991, Point Break has a distinctly 80’s vibe, the music, the script and my God, the hair! Crowd favourite Keanu Reeves plays rookie FBI agent Johnny Utah who teams up with seasoned agent, Angelo Pappas (Gary Busey) to take down bank robbing badasses The Ex-Presidents. Four criminals in Ronald Reagan, Richard Nixon, Lyndon B. Johnson and Jimmy Carter masks hit up a string of banks, emptying the cash registers within 90 seconds before ‘they vanish like a virgin on prom night’.

Whilst investigating The Ex-Presidents, Utah must go under cover to infiltrate a local group of surfers, enter Patrick Swayze and his dodgy haircut as charming surf guru Bodhi. As Johnny Utah begins to earn the surfers’ trust, he becomes increasingly enamoured with their adrenaline fueled lifestyle, conflicting with his role as an FBI agent. Point Break is a fantastic action movie, you’ve got guns, robbery, car chases, surfing, skydiving and even a cameo from Red Hot Chili Peppers’ lead singer Anthony Kiedis. I would recommend you don’t embark on this cinematic journey with expectations of ground-breaking special effects but appreciate it as a product of its time.

I love the cinematography in Point Break, there are some really iconic scenes and I particularly love the sky diving shots and of course the incredible surfing scenes. If you didn’t want to live in California before, you certainly will do after you watch this film. I think my favourite thing about Point Break is the completely unique relationship that forms between Utah and Bodhi, it’s a proper love hate feeling between the hero and the villain. Somehow even though Swayze is supposed to be playing the bad guy, I find myself rooting for him every single time. Johnny Utah’s conflict of character runs parallel to the storyline, choosing between his career wjth the law and his new surfer girlfriend (Lori Petty) and a life of absolute freedom.

I don’t say this lightly but for me, Point Break has a near perfect ending; I’m not about to go and ruin it for you, don’t worry. I suggest you embrace the old school Californian surfer vibe, crack open a cold one and just enjoy it for what it is.

I would give Point Break 8 thrown pitbull’s out of 10.

Team America

“I promise, I will never die”

Review by Lewis Goodall

This is just one of those films I feel like everyone has already seen already, not quite sure as to why I’m writing this at all, I’m just wasting my own time. You’ve already seen it so why are you reading this? Go enjoy yourself, you don’t need to know my opinion on puppets having sex. You’re still here?

Team America, directed by Trey Parker, is a story that’s so American it makes me want to live in a trailer, eat oversized food, shoot innocent people and fly that ol red, white and blue. Gary, the best actor in the world, is hired by Team America, an anti terrorist defence force, to infiltrate the terrorists and gain information about any upcoming attacks. When the team anger the mastermind behind the terrorists, a plan is created to destroy everything, world and all. 9/11 times a thousand.

This film is one of the most ridiculous, stupidest, funniest films there possibly is and I honestly do not think anything will come close to this. With media getting censored nowadays because somebody’s feelings gets hurt, we’re not gonna get films like this anymore because people are scared to offend. This film has all the stereotypes you can possibly fit into one film and it is incredible.

Trey Parker and Matt Stone have brains that I would be scared to explore. In case you’re not aware, they write South Park too so that should show you enough as to what this film is like. If you haven’t seen south park either than you’re clearly Christian and have been told that TV is a creation of the devil. Both of them know how to write stupid comedy down to a tee. Its stupid but at the same time It is perfect satire. Team America is just such a nod at how stupid and over the top America is, especially when it comes to its defence. The fact that in the first 5 minutes of this film, Team America attempt to stop a terrorist in Paris but In the process of stopping them, actually just blow the whole city up, doing more damage than the terrorist ever would and still claiming it as a victory. It’s perfect.

This film is made with puppets which makes this film timeless because it still looks great today and honestly the puppeteering and set design in this film is incredible. Each puppet clearly has so much effort put into each one which really gets you immersed. Having a puppet have better facial expressions that most actors is an impressive feat. There are perfect moments where the puppeteering are done badly to add to the joke and it’s just all done so well. Especially the sex scene, that’s golden.

Overall this film is just one of my favourites. Its endlessly quotable, I watched it when I was younger and I loved it for its stupidity, but as I get older I fall more in love with it because of its genius. The over the top themes and the god damn soundtrack, that soundtrack is absolutely hilarious and can pass as real songs. The film will make me laugh over and over again and are you still reading this? I thought I said at the beginning that there wasn’t a point because you’ve already seen this film right? Everyone has…. right? If you haven’t seen it then you know someone who has, and that someone is way cooler than you.

8 Matt Damons out of 10

Terminator 2: Judgement Day

“Come with me if you want to live”

Review by Lewis Goodall

Hasta la vista, baby… there we go, that’s better.

Terminator 2: Judgement Day, directed by James Cameron, is proof that you can make a sequel that is better than the original. This sequel now follows John Conner (Edward Furlong), the son of Sarah Conner (Linda Hamilton). As an attempt to make sure that John Conner doesn’t get far enough to start a revolution in the future, a more advanced killing machine is once again sent from the future to try and kill him. The Rebels in the future send help to protect John in the form of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Its clever cause in the first one he’s the threat but in this one he’s the good guy, you see what they did there.

This film takes everything that was great about the first film and just takes it to the next level. Like taking a song you love and turning it all the way up. You’re still getting the same song but it’s that bit more intense, and this is exactly what you get with Terminator 2. So it’s still the same formula of cat and mouse, but this time between two killing machines. At the same time they are stopping the machines rising up in the first place to avoid any war happening in the future. Arnold Schwarzenegger is of course great as a robot again but its Robert Patrick who really shines in this film. Robert plays the assassin robot know as the T-1000, which is made from a liquid metal, basically meaning that he is pretty much invincible. Theres something about his character that is so god damn terrifying that it makes every scene with him in it just explode with tension.

Being a sequel, they obviously wanted to pump this film with a bigger budget and you can certainly tell they used everything they could to make the best action experience. The special effects in this film are dated in some places but it honestly didnt matter, and it didnt stop me from physically saying “cor” when you see the T-1000 walk though metal bars. There was one moment in particular when he is thrown up against a wall, facing the wall, and in an instant, he flips his head and arms around to face Arnold again. I havetn described it well so I’ll try a d find a GIF of it.

Looking back at clips from this film just make me love it even more. Just everything about it is just insanely good. Great performances all round. This time you get to see more emotions coming from all the characters, including Arnold. It’s just all round better than the first film which Is so so rare. Usually the sequels are shit shows but this…. this is a treasure.

Overall, other than The Thing of course, Terminator 2 is THE 80’s sci fi masterpiece and is a serious must watch for everyone. See the first one first cause that too is an amazing film but this one is the cheery on top. In fact the first one is a great tasting cake, we’ll go with triple chocolate. Terminator 2 is a quadruple chocolate cake on top of that cake but also with a cherry on top.

9.5 Robot Carpets out of 10

The Terminator

“I’ll be back”

Review by Lewis Goodall

Hasta la vista, baby… wait no that’s the second one. I watched the first two films in one day so I’m getting my wires crossed. Too much Arny in one day has muddled my brain.

The Terminator, directed by The James Cameron, is the 1984 Sci Fi classic that if you’ve never heard of it you mustve been in a coma since 1983. The year is 1984, a human soldier has be sent back in time to protect Sarah Conner (Linda Hamilton) from a lean, mean, killing cyborg, THE TERMINATOR (Arnold Schwarzenegger). The Terminator has been sent back to ensure that Sarah’s unborn child doesnt see the light of day as that child, is the key to saving humanity in the future.

There’s something about someone being chased constantly that really puts you on the edge of your seat. Even though I knew there were multiple sequels, I still had this constant fear throughout. It’s the chase, the chase that gets me, knowing that every single moment you’re breathing, there’s something on it’s way trying to kill you is terrifying, especially If that entity is Arnold Schwarzenegger. It’s the constant pursuit that made this film so tense and so great, not one moment ate you thinking that Sarah and the soldier are safe.

I’ve talk about 80’s films before, literally in the last review so I wont express my love for the practical effect even more but this film has it and it’s great again. But jaggerty if that’s a word but they still hold up pretty well. What holds up too is the acting, although parts were slightly cheesy, they all are great at creating such a tense game of cat and mouse where the cat is a futuristic killing machine and the mouse has a perm.

What I mainly mainly MAINLY love about this film though is a story of time travel that makes 100% sense the first time watching. Something with time travel films nowadays is that its overly complicated unless you watch them over and over but with The Terminator, everything just made sense. It was a coherent time travel story where all the loose ends are completely tied st the end which is pretty rare and why I think this film is loved by many today. That and its just in general an awesome film.

Overall, much like Robocop, this film is a perfect example of prime time 80’s sci-fi. It’s a fantastic, original story with great special effects. Plus the music is so 80’s so if you like movies for the music then head here, if you like movies where you can slightly see Arnold Schwarzenegger’s cock then this is the place for you too.

8 Drive Throughs out of 10

Robocop (1987)

“Your move, creep”

Review by Lewis Goodall

Freeze! I suggest you use your right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be used against you in a court of law. Anything… that’s usually as far as American cops get before they shoot the person so I’m not sure what’s meant to be said after that

Robocop, directed by Paul Verhoeven, is a 80’s sci-fi classic about Murphy (Peter Wellers), a new cop working in Detroit. On his first day on the job, Murphy is blown to bits by a gang using shotguns. In a bid to clean up the city before the construction of a new Detroit, a company called OCP are constructing robots cops to clean up the streets of thugs and gangs. Using Murphy’s body as a prototype, we follow Robocop as he stops crimes.

I wish I was born in the late sixties. That way I could be the age I am now but be living in the era of sci-fi cinema which is miles better than what we have today. Robocop, The Thing, Bladerunner, Terminator, the list goes on. Why is it that now the films are so pussyfied. No film nowadays really has the same punch as they did back then. They remade Robocop in 2014 and it’s a 12A… Kids can see a film about robot policemen who blasts criminals away. It makes me sick but I’m so glad that we can still enjoy the incredible originals

The original Robocop is just so cool. I couldn’t help but just think about how cool everything about him was. On the surface it should be stupid, a robot cop, but the effects in this film and the way Peter Wellers plays the part of Robocop just makes it so cool! A mega machine who’s prime directive is to stop criminals in any means necessary, and that Includes shooting the criminals cock off.

It’s that typical, perfect use of 80’s practical effects that again prove that practical will always trump special effects. Having stop motion for some of the robots in this film may have dated a but but the fact that it’s still a real prop still means that it holds up. Throwing people through walls whilst being shot by 280 rounds of ammunition is the reason this film is just so cool. Oh yeah the story is pretty good too, it’s not just a compilation of practical effects, it also has a full crime syndicate that Murphy has to take down as they are the ones who shot him to bits. The longer he lives inside the suit, the more he begins to remember his old past, and I’ll stop there as to not spoil everything anymore.

Overall, if you haven’t seen this movie then you’ve definitely heard about it. If you haven’t seen it then do yourself a favour and watch this. It’s a perfect 80’s sci-fi with plenty of story and plenty of people being shot, its wonderful. If you’re an American policemen then you should definitely give this a watch for some training, learn from Robocop that its vital to shoot someone who is actually committing a crime, not just for getting a speeding ticket.

8 Thousand Blood Squibs out of 10

Three Identical Strangers

“I guess I wouldn’t believe my story if someone else were telling it”

Review by Lewis Goodall

What would you do if you discovered you had a twin? Growing up with a twin is fine but discovering you have a twin when you’re 19 years old, imagine the possibilities, the pranks you could pull, the banks you could rob. It would also be much easier for you to perform some magic tricks where you disappear and reappear somewhere else. Everything seems better when you have a twin. But imagine having being identical triplets!! The magic tricks you could pull then! Well these three brothers didn’t take advantage of their triplet nature in that way but their story sure is insane.

Three Identical Strangers, Directed by Tim Wardle, tells the incredible story of three triplets who are separated at birth and rediscover each other at the age of 19. It tells the story of how they managed to reconnect and also their quest to discover why they were all separated. Going down the rabbit hole, they discover a twisted, dark mystery.

The story is just so bizarre. It truly goes to show that true life just cannot be written. The fact that they all found each other is amazing but the circumstances that split them up are just truly horrifying and really makes you question what other horrific organisations are out there. I’m not giving any spoilers as it ruins the whole film but my description should get you thinking about watching it to uncover the mystery, it’s a good en.

It’s a well made documentary that keeps you on your toes the whole time, wondering what twist and turn the story will take next. There’s always another details that’ll pop up to make you question everything and when you get to the final its leaves you with more questions then when you started but having the mystery still in your mind is great. I want to delve into the story myself and find out what in the hell is going on! It boggles the mind and really makes you question the world and what is happening under the crust. Are there any mysteries in my past? Do I have a twin I don’t know about? Were you part of octoplets?? Nobody knows. All i know is that you should watch this.

8 Jew Fros out of 10

The Florida Project

“Wish I had a bigger stomach, like I was pregnant, I’d fit food in that”

Review by Lewis Goodall

Were you ever a kid? If you were well you’ve probably forgotten what it felt like, I’m 23 and I know I did. Kids these days dont have proper fun, they’re boring as hell, all they do is dance in front of their phones and copy other people, theyre crap. I think kids have forgotten how to go outside, kids dont know how to use doors, fact. This’ll all make sense soon dont worry.

The Florida Project, directed by Sean Baker, is a perfect depiction of what it’s like to live in a motel outside of Disney land. Shot over the duration of a summer, we follow Moonee (Brooklyn Price), a 6 year old trouble maker who just loves to have fun. Her and her friends get up to mischief whilst also bonding with her trashy, caring mum.

This is one of those films where nothing really happens but you just fall in love with it. All you do throughout this film is follow in the juvenile antics of Moonee and her friends whilst also getting an insight into the mums struggles but it’s more focused on Moonee. Having a window into the innocence of childhood just cant make you feel anything other than joy. It really takes you back to when you would head out with friends and get up to nothing but have the best time in the world.

The manager of the motel, Bobby (Willem Dafoe), acts almost as a father figure to Hayley (Bria Vinaite), Moonees mum. Hayley is quite the trouble maker herself so you can see where Moonee gets her attitude from. Its wonderful seeing all the times where you see Hayley and Moonee working together to try and get through the rough patch they’re through. The story mainly focuses on making the best of a bad situation rather than focusing on the bad things.

I mentioned Bobby but didn’t really speak about him but Willem plays the strict but lovable manager super well. He managed to keep everyone in line with a firm hand but also showing all the residents love where you can tell he truly cares for everyone who passes through the doors. Everyone in the film acted well, even Moonee which is always surprising when it’s a child actor. Normally its cringy because kids usually don’t know how to do anything (especially opening doors) but Moonee and her friends are all wonderful and it really makes you feel like you’re just watching a bunch of friends playing in a run down motel location.

Some of the story is predictable, I guessed what was going to happen pretty early on. Give us a struggling mum who takes drugs and needs money to support her and her child, what do you expect she does to make the money wink wink nudge nudge. But that didn’t matter, usually predicting a film is a downer but even with knowing what was going to happen, I was just so immersed in this motel world and loved every second. I could happily of watched for another hour, just watching nothing but them enjoying what they have.

Overall it’s a fantastic, light hearted film that literally anyone would enjoy in my eyes. The way they teleport you into this small world is great. Normally films like this focus on the struggling mum and what she will do to survive but it follows her child and her adventures instead which I think people need to do more often. Sometimes you’ve got to forget the fact that you’re late on rent and just dance in the rain.

8 Foul Puns put of 10

Extra Ordinary

“Do you ever have nightmares after eating cheese? You might’ve eaten a ghost”

Review by Lewis Goodall

With all these films about ghosts now, how can we deny that they exist, they’re everywhere. A ghost could be watching you right this second and you wouldn’t know, they watch you when you sleep, they haunt your house, they haunt every thing in your house. They haunt your cheese, you’ve eaten ghost cheese and you don’t even know it, open your eyes!!

Extra Ordinary, directed by Mike Ahern and Enda Loughman, follows Rose (Maeve Higgins), a ditsy driving instructor who also has the gift to chitter chatter with the dead!! She uses her talent to help save Martin’s (Barry Ward) daughter from a washed up rock star who’s using a satanic ritual to reignite his fame.

“Extra Ordinary” from Kino Lorber films

I think the UK has a certain charm to their small budget comedy films, especially when they’re about ghosts. This is just one of those perfect quirky, easy watching films when you’re looking to stick something on for a quick laugh, and lemme tell ya, this certain has them. There were a few moments that made me rewind it so I can enjoy the joke again. Even with a super simplistic storyline, this films manages to keep your attention with the gags.

Maeve and Barry both play an awkward duo perfectly. They’re Equally as strange so they bounced off each other well. This matched with some great parody writing made for an all round enjoyable experience. It didn’t break any barriers in terms of blowing my scalp off with some amazing cinematic scenes but like I said earlier, it’s a perfect easy watch.

Overall this film felt very much like a wannabe Edgar Wright film but that’s in no way a diss. The editing was great and added to the jokes which was great to see finally considering Hollywood don’t know how to use the camera to enhance a joke, take note from the Irish.

7 Ectoplasm Jars out of 10